How to steal a bicycle

  1. Find a nice looking bicycle on campus
  2. Visit Campus Watch (Security) and tell them you’ve forgotten the combination to the combination lock
  3. Show your student card that proves you are a foreign student in your final year of study who is about to leave the country
  4. Show the security guard where the bicycle is, and have them cut off the non-combination key-locked chain – don’t worry, they won’t notice the inconsistency of your story and the facts
  5. Cycle away

My poor colleague will now spend most of the rest of the day cursing loudly, talking to the police, making an official complaint against stupid members of security, and dealing with the University insurance.

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